Are They Grateful?

Tony and I were reflecting about Alfy's birthday this past week.  We were talking about how different our interactions were with the people who came to the balloon release and came to our house afterwards.  We had both realized that we just didn't interact the same with those we used, those we thought would be there to support us fully in our time of need, but weren't.  It was interesting.  Tony made a good point that is was almost an ego boost for him, and I recognized it too.  Having those people there was like an opportunity to show everyone, look what we did, look what we did without you.  We wish you were there for us, but you weren't, so we did what we needed to do anyway.  

At times you could almost feel the guilt coming from some, almost as if they were asking you to say that their absence was okay, that we understood.  But neither of us did that.  It's not okay and I will never tell you it is.  I am learning to accept it, but that doesn't mean it's okay.  I am trying to forgive it (although that has proven to be a greater challenge than I expected), but that doesn't mean it's okay.

This lead to some new thoughts for me, almost a new perspective, not one I like but one I have now. 

My new perspective was triggered the other night by, of all things, Facebook.  Now, I have unfollowed an enormous amount of people over the last year, most of whom have new families that they want to share with the world, not realizing not everyone can so easily share in the joy of their world.  Tony continues to follow people that I can't.  He says it make him appreciate where we are now more and what we've accomplished, the positive side coming out in him:)  Anyways, I was looking over his shoulder the other night and I saw a post of a wife of one of Tony's friends.  Their second child is on the way and the post identified the upcoming child as a boy.  They were at the balloon release and Tony had even seen them since, but now word on their child.  I saw another picture of a child I have yet to meet that was born in September.  And today, I was dropping off Tony at his parents' house and twins were there that were born shortly before Alfy but I haven't seen since before he was born.

These instances always take me by surprise, cause me to clam up and nearly have a breakdown, cause my anxiety levels to skyrocket.  In thinking about them, I've started to wonder if they are grateful that they weren't there for us, grateful that they were able to avoid all of the hard, sad experiences Tony and I have had, grateful that it's us and not them, grateful that we aren't around to remind them of how things can go so terribly wrong.  I suspect the answer is yes and it makes me sad.

I'm not sure what to do with this perspective and these thoughts, but I needed to put them out there.  I suppose I'll just sit with it for now.

(Contrary to last night's post, apparently I'm finding my words again...)