Friday, September 13, Vincent Anthony, our second son, arrive at 7:36am in the morning via c-section. He weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. and was 20.5 inches long. He was/is perfect. I am still a little in awe and shock that I survived 39 weeks of pregnancy. I am still in awe and shock that he survived 39 weeks of pregnancy. But he did, and I am so grateful for that.
Today is day three on our own. It has been a rough transition for me. The first week at home, Tony was around to support me, me him, us Vinny and so on. It was a tough first week, but having Tony by my side made all the difference in the world. I wish he was able to take more time, as I hope he does too. But, unfortunately that is not a culture that we are a part of. Dad's rarely are afforded the same time mom's are and that is a shame. Having a little person rely on you for almost every basic need is tough work, which I expected.
I think this first week on our own has been made tougher by past experiences. I've been taken back to a year and a half ago time and time again in the past three days. The weather has been very similar to spring weather after we had Alfy. We had the windows open and it would get cool at night and hot during the day. I still find it fascinating that temperature and weather can have such a profound effect on me. I feel as though I haven't moved from our couch in a week and a half, another experience I had after Alfy (at least after having Alfy I made it to bed at night, I don't even do that at the moment). I routinely find myself in the same clothes day in and day out (though I did manage to change today). I feel the hormones on overload that can cause me to spring in to tears at the smallest concern. I felt as though I've experienced it all before, and I suppose I have.
I am finding myself caught between great moments of sadness and joy on a constant basis. With every smile caught in a sleepy moment, every snuggle on the couch, every look of awe and wonder I am overjoyed that we are experiencing them. In those moments I am also reminded of how much we really lost when we lost Alfy. We lost an entire lifetime of moments. And with Vinny, we've gained an entire lifetime of moments.
How bittersweet life is.
