Today I reached 28 weeks and 1 day with kiddo #2. This kiddo has officially lived in my womb longer than their big brother, Alfy. I'm not sure how I feel about this, a mix of emotion I suppose.
Yesterday, June 29, I reached the 28 week mark, it also happened to be Alfy's original due date. It was a tough day. I was so upset when Alfy was born at 28 weeks and I hadn't bought anything for him that I went and bought something for kiddo #2, just in case. I had a horrible vision the day before that this kiddo would be born at 28 weeks as well, and on June 29 of all days. Thankfully that didn't happen. But, it put me in enough a panic that I went to three stores yesterday trying to find something. I found a set of receiving blankets, one had a pattern on it that was very similar to the pattern on the fleece onesie I bought for Alfy to be buried in. I also found a onesie outfit, hat incldued, that was ducks. Alfy was buried in a duck blanket. They both seemed to fit the day and the moment.
No more shopping for a while. In fact, I don't plan on buying anything else until the end, if I make it. And then, it will be only the essentials. I don't need a whole gob of stuff, just enough to make things work. That seems hard for most people to understand. I have had several offers of baby showers, of which all I've turned down. I've also had those try again, thinking maybe a card shower. No thank you. I appreciate that people want to do those things, but I don't want any of it. It's too much and it's no longer me. Once you've buried a child, "the stuff" no longer seems important. And, it reminds me of the naive pregnant woman I once was, but will never be again. I've let her go.
Now, I pray every night for one more day with this kiddo, not a week, not a month, not years, just one more day. That's all I want. Just one more day.
Today, I got that one more day.
