To Alfy

Dear Alfy,

It's the Holiday Season.  I have no idea what it would be like with you here, but I'm sure it would be quite different.  I imagine all the ornaments on the Christmas tree would be moved up, well beyond your reach.  I doubt the wreaths and garland would be hanging on the banister, so tempting for little hands.  There would be TONS of presents under the Christmas tree, waiting to be torn open.  I imagine you would probably have more fun with the paper and boxes than the toys themselves.  This is how I imagined our Christmas would be early last spring.

It is quite different. The Christmas tree is up and decorated and the wreaths, garland and stockings are hung.  Your stocking is in the process of being made, that's why you don't see it over the fireplace yet.  There will be one here for you and one at your Grandma Mary Lynn's and Grandpa Big Al's house.  Your Grandma also found a small Christmas tree that we're putting at your grave.  Grandma Nancy found a small stocking for that tree, so I guess technically you have three stockings now.  All of your grandparents, aunts and uncles are sending ornaments for the tree.  Aunt Abbey and Uncle Travis sent you a Christmas gift too.  I keep thinking I should wait until Christmas morning to put it out, but I may just spoil you and put it out early.  If anyone deserves to be spoiled, it's you:)

I'm sure you see Dad and I all the time.  I just want you to know that we are doing are best to become better parents, friends, children, people for you.  Many days are still very hard and we still have lots of heartache and tears.  But, I want, need you to know that I wouldn't trade a second of this life if it meant you weren't in it.  I love you so very much and I am so grateful for the time I had with you. 

Love you to Heaven and back,
Mom