Walking With You Series - Introduction and Where Are You Now?
I was reading an article on Still Standing Magazine yesterday and found a blog that mentioned this series. I did some research last night because the idea of having some topics already laid out for me to write about seemed comforting. If you are interested in visiting the sight and participating, or just reading, I would highly encourage you to visit Sufficient Grace Ministries.
Introduction and where I am now? Where do I start? I am a 30 year old woman who lost her first child, her son, Alfy, just over 9 months ago. I don't know what else to introduce about myself at this point. As I said, I lost my son just over 9 months ago, April 5 my husband and I were told our baby no longer had a heartbeat (we didn't know the gender) and Friday (Good Friday actually), April 6 at 11:05am I delivered a beautiful 1 lb. 11.6 oz, 13 1/4 inches baby boy. On Tuesday, April 10 at 1:30pm we laid our son to rest. I am not able to type Alfy's entire story again, but if you would like to read it, please visit his page.
In my last blog post I spoke about being in the acceptance stage of grief. I think I am there, not all the time, but probably more of the time than not. Some days I go through every stage of grief, over and over again. Some days I get stuck in other parts, denial, anger, bargaining, depression. I would still consider myself in the depths of grief, in the trenches, trying to find my way.
This probably doesn't seem like much of an introduction to me or where I am, but it's really all I can manage tonight. Last night I succumbed to my grief, the overwhelmingness (is that really a word?) of it all, the sadness, the heartache, the pain, the feeling of your soul hurting so much that you think might die from the heartache. I do that every so often. The feelings don't overwhelm me as much as they once did though and I forget how exhausting it can be.
If you are reading this as part of the series, thank you for walking with me.
I am so glad that you have decided join "Walking With You." It seems as though days, weeks and months go by, and we do feel better, but when the breakdowns come, boy do they take the entire body at once! Yes, it is exhausting.... I love your sons name... Alfy...how sweet and precious.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you...
Thank you for joining in with WWY and and sharing your son with us. There are def some days I feel I have accepted it more than others. Those are good days! On the not good days it just feels so unfair all over again. We're on this ride for life unfortunately and I wish I could tell you those bad days will stop one day but they don't. We are approaching Carleigh's 4th birthday and they still happen to me. More frequently from her diagnosis day in Dec to her birthday in March.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story and Alfy's story. I am happy that you decided to walk this journey with us, and I pray that you can continue to find healing and hope!
ReplyDeleteThank you for joining Walking With You. So glad you found us. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet son, Alfy. I know what you mean about how exhausting and overwhelming all the emotions of grief can be...all-consuming at times. It has been many years for me. But, I can remember those moments like yesterday.
ReplyDeletePraying God's peace and comfort for you...
Yes, grief can be so overwhelming and so exhausting. And it's not linear, some days it seems like we take a step forward only to take two back. But as time passes, those excruciatingly difficult days seem to get further and further apart; they don't go away, they just come less frequently. Many ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the Walk. I am looking forward to walking with you. Thanks for sharing Alfy!
ReplyDeleteMuch prayers, hugs and love Momma!